You’d might be surprised how many guys complain about women who commit the following dating crimes (and refuse to see them again). Man meets woman. First thing she does is take her phone out of her bag and plunk it on the table. She’s supposed to be talking or listening to him, but her eyes keep flitting to that dumb phone. She’s thinking, “I want to make sure you’re not going to burn me, so I am going to assault you with a series of overly personal questions.” We’ve all been hurt.

“Why haven’t you ever been married? You must have commitment issues.” “Are you sure you’re not gay?” “(If he’s been married) Who caused the divorce? Did you cheat on your wife?” And the guy has been, too, but don’t you dislike it when you meet a man for the first time, and he brings all his weird relationship baggage to the table? And recent reports of repellent and ultimately very sad behavior of celebrities like Arnold Schwarzenegger don’t exactly inspire our trust in men.

But the guy you’re meeting tonight is not Arnold Schwarzenegger. He’s a unique individual, and you owe it to him to get to know him. Keep your eyes and ears open. Listen. Watch. It’s true that people show you who they are, so let him show you who he is. Approach every first date with a “let’s see what happens” attitude. Tell yourself, this guy will probably not be “the guy,” but I am going to have a good time anyway. Approach the date as if you are merely meeting a friend.

In other words, take the pressure off. (If you’ve been meeting men with the “this might be the guy I marry” attitude, you are putting way too much pressure on yourself — and on him!) Before you leave the house, bring to mind all the lovely things you have to offer. Then, sit back and let him show you who he is. Tell yourself, this guy will probably not be “the guy,” but I am going to have a good time anyway. Keep your eyes and ears open. Listen. Watch. Good to know.